For many people, the Thanksgiving holiday means time spent with family, lots of good food, and the dreaded holiday table talk. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Let\u2019s face it, talking around the holiday dinner table can sometimes get awkward and uncomfortable. You may even find yourself so stressed<\/a> leading up to the holiday that you lose precious shuteye<\/a> over it. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Here are 10 tips from mental health experts on how you can make holiday dinner talk a less stressful experience for everyone gathered around the table this year\u2014and every year after that.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n From things to talk about at Thanksgiving dinner to what not to talk about at Thanksgiving dinner, explore strategies for navigating holiday dinner talk without wrecking your sleep.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The first rule of how to survive uncomfortable holiday dinner conversation is to avoid excessive alcohol<\/a>. <\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI do not recommend that my clients deal with family stress by drinking excessively,\u201d says Yuki Shida, licensed marriage and family therapist at Therapy with Yuki<\/a>. \u201cDrinking alcohol negatively impacts your sleep quality, so it would make the problem worse.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n This isn’t to say you can’t enjoy an alcoholic beverage, of course\u2014but stick to one drink or make a creative seasonal mocktail<\/a> instead. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Before diving into any holiday table talk, take five minutes for deep breathing<\/a> or a mindfulness exercise to help ground yourself, suggests Kim Knoeller, a licensed clinical social worker and CEO of the North Carolina-based mental health practice Counseling Connections<\/a>. <\/p>\n\n\n\n An easy and fun way to survive holiday dinner talk is to bring a kit or game. When people are engaged in fun activities, they’re less likely to argue. <\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cDistraction is very helpful in decreasing tension,\u201d adds Shida. \u201cYou can present a game to play during dinner, like a deck of question cards, a guessing game, or the banned words game.\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n Here’s how you play: Give everybody five clothespins to start with and pick some common words surrounding the holiday. Think of words like fall, football, pumpkin pie, and turkey. <\/p>\n\n\n\n These words are “banned” during the game. If someone says one of the banned words during dinner, their clothespin gets taken away by whoever reported it. Whoever ends up with the most clothespins wins the game!<\/p>\n\n\n\n Another answer to the question of how to survive uncomfortable holiday dinner conversations is to set clear boundaries. <\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cDecide what topics are off-limits for your own well-being,\u201d says Shida. \u201cMany people choose comments about their body, their dating life, fertility status, money, and politics as off-limit topics because they are upsetting and a violation of their privacy.\u201d (Make a note, these are what not to talk about at Thanksgiving dinner!)<\/p>\n\n\n\n What if these topics do<\/em> come up? Shida suggests using a neutral tone and saying something like, \u201cI would rather not discuss that today. Let\u2019s just enjoy dinner together.\u201d Another good response: \u201cOh, I\u2019m keeping that offline today. I am just here to enjoy the cranberry sauce!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n After communicating your boundaries, Shida recommends having a smooth segue on hand to prevent a tense pause in the conversation and redirecting the focus. <\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cIt is helpful to have a few topics in mind before dinner begins,\u201d says Shida. \u201cYou can ask for a recommendation for a recipe, movies, or TV shows they have watched or ask a family member about their kids.\u201d These are all great things to talk about at Thanksgiving dinner!<\/p>\n\n\n\n If you’re feeling worried or stressed about the upcoming holiday dinner, chances are there are other people at the holiday dinner table who feel the same way. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Shida recommends reaching out to close family members before the holiday get-together and sharing how you’ve been feeling with each other. Make a plan to support each other’s boundaries and redirect the conversations so that everyone can have a good time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n You may already have a pretty good idea of what not to talk about at Thanksgiving dinner\u2014but then that begs the question, what are things to talk about at Thanksgiving dinner? Have a few light conversation starters ready. Gentle, inclusive questions are great. Think of things like: <\/p>\n\n\n\n Another idea to survive any holiday dinner talk is to phone or text a friend. Some of Shida\u2019s clients enjoy the relief of knowing someone has their back, even if it’s through the phone.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cA supportive friend can check in with you via text and provide a safe outlet for you to let out any negative feelings that are coming up,\u201d says Shida. \u201cYou can even have a backup plan to have that friend call you during the meal so that you have an excuse to take a break from your family,\u201d if needed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Speaking of breaks, if holiday dinner talk starts to get stressful, take a short break. <\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cGatherings can be full of noise, opinions, and emotions,\u201d says Knoeller. \u201cIf you feel overwhelmed, you have permission to step away.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n Knoeller suggests saying something like, \u2018I am really enjoying spending time with everyone, but I am going to step outside for some fresh air and quiet. I will be back soon!\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n If things do start to go off the rails during holiday dinner talk, have a subtle way to steer things back. Try saying things like, \u201cThat is an interesting take. By the way, did you see the dessert lineup?\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n Or perhaps, \u201cOh! That reminds me of the time\u2014insert non-controversial story here.\u201d\u00a0Again, all things to talk about at Thanksgiving dinner.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Some good icebreaker questions for Thanksgiving include anything surrounding gentle, inclusive topics like movies, recipes, and television shows. You can even ask fun holiday-themed questions like:<\/p>\n\n\n\n To avoid awkward holiday conversations, be ready to pivot to friendly and general topics, communicate boundaries, create smooth segues, and have some conversation starters at the ready.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\nHow to keep holiday dinner conversations from ruining your sleep<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
1. Avoid excessive alcohol<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
2 Breathe and take a pause<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
3. Bring a game<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
4. Communicate boundaries<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
5. Create a smooth segue<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
6. Find allies<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
7. Have some conversation starters ready<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
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8. Phone a friend<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
9. Take short breaks<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
10. Use a topic pivot<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
FAQs<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
What are some good icebreaker questions for Thanksgiving?<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
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How do you avoid awkward holiday conversations?<\/h3>\n\n\n\n